"Million Dollar Baby" - Movie Review

I feel cheap. I feel violated. I was lured in by a Rockie movie with Stallone as "Mick" and Swank as Stallone. And, it delivered, in spades. Poor girl comes from nothing, decides at age 30 that the only thing that makes her happy is boxing, or at least trying to box. Old, wise, curmudgeon of boxing trainer, estranged from his daughter, finally sees she has heart and decides to train her. Obligatory training scenes and then I'm watching the Brad Pitt movie, "Snatch." This girl starts knocking opponents out in the first seconds of the first round - again and again and again. She rises through the ranks and ends up in a title bout. Exciting, huh?

You're thinking, "Man, is this guy a tool or what? He's reciting the plot note for note." You ain't seen nothing yet. So here's Swank in the world welterweight title fight. She gets sucker punched after the bell and smashes her neck on an overturned corner stool. She's out. Beat. Fade in... hospital room, neck brace, breathing machine. And just like that, what was an awesome movie turns into the shittiest movie experience I've had since I was lulled into a coma by the endless acts of futility known as fight scenes in, "The Matrix Reloaded." Swank is completely paralyzed...for good. Eastwood, who now thinks of her as a daughter, is devastated. He quickly recovers his pragmatism and gets to work attending to her. Eventually, due to bed sores, Swank's leg has to be amputated. Really. I'm not kidding.

Understandably, she decides it's not worth it and pleads with Eastwood to off her. Of course, he can't do it. So she decides to take care of it herself - she bites her tongue off, hoping to bleed out. No dice - the staff saves her. She tries again; they save her again. Now, with padding on her tongue, she's sedated into la la land. Eastwood can't take it. In the middle of the night, he sneaks in and does the deed. Then, he disappears. Fade to black.

That's about it. Eastwood and pals committed what I would consider the ultimate insult on moviegoers - they set up and promoted a feel-good movie, but they delivered a movie that made "Beaches" and "Dying Young" seem like "Finding Nemo." Assholes. And that's the problem with assholes - you spend enough time with them, you end up being an asshole yourself. Me ruining this movie for you is a perfect example of an asshole move, so apparently, in this case, it only took 132 minutes. My bad.

Oh yes, and just so you know, the critics loved it. Don't that beat all?